The Truth Hurts

After I attended his engagement party this past weekend, I've been trying to maintain better contact with Jeff, my best friend from high school. We went to different colleges halfway across the country from each other and, unfortunately, slipped slowly out of contact over time. But some things just don't go away without a fight, and though he has moved from Wayne to South Bend and now to Denver, clearly our friendship is one of them.

So as I watched Jeopardy! this evening, my ears couldn't help but be perked up by one of the Double Jeopardy! categories: "Steve Buscemi films." Jeff is a big time fan of Buscemi's work, so my immediately response was to text him and let him know that he may want to turn on his television and catch it.

Our exchange, however, took a bit of a turn. Here's how it went:

Me (7:14:09 pm): Don't know what time Jeopardy! comes on by you, but there's a whole category on Steve Buscemi films in Double Jeopardy! tonight.
Jeff (7:16:06 pm): I dont know either now that i think   dunno if ill be out of work b4 it tho    dont be in such a hurry to get a job they suck
Me (7:31:47 pm): Try living at home with your parents and having no social life or career prospects. You'll WISH you were working.
Jeff (7:32:25 pm): Touche salesman

Granted, missing Jeopardy! is not, in most cases, a terribly lamentable offense. But it's nice to know that I can feel like the benchmark of twentysomething misery for all my friends. At least I'm doing something well.

Why Grammar Matters, Part 48,732

I know that the Internet is really the last place I should be looking if I'm expecting to find sound grammatical structure and respect for Standard Written English. But every now and then you see something that makes your eyes bug out of your head so badly that you just can't write it off as a simple typo. Tonight was one of those nights.

An acquaintance of mine on Facebook, who shall remain anonymous, was attending a concert this evening. And so he posted a status update declaring, "MJ at Summer Jam, Obama on the text...Yall should be afraid of what imma do next..."

A friend of his (whom I do not know) read this and understood that he was rhyming in an urban style. And, since he is presumably not a fan of this style, he wanted to make clear to said acquaintance that he wanted nothing to do with him.

Unfortunately, the friend did not realize that in order to turn that particular verb from the present to the present participle, one must double the consonant at the end in order to keep the vowel sound from becoming long.

Even more unfortunately, the friend also decided to post entirely in capital letters.

Which means the friend told my acquaintance this:

"WELL SINCE YOUR GONNA START RAPING...... YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME... ITS BETTER FOR THE BOTH OF US..."

Truer words may never have been spoken. More accurately spelled ones, maybe, but truer? I think not.

In a related story, if you need to find me this evening, I'll be crying tears across the pages of my Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.

This Is Worth a Vacation Post; or, Dinner Jealousy, Part One

Unless you've been living under a rock--or don't check out my Facebook or my Twitter--you know I'm posting live from sunny Florida! I've spent the last few days at the Magic Kingdom and Epcot, and have relocated from Disney's Pop Century Resort to my uncle's timeshare at Westgate Vacation Villas. All in all, the R&R has been marvelous, the parks have been stellar, and personal satisfaction is higher than it's been since, oh, April 23.

So why, you might ask, am I taking this opportunity to post a blog when a) I'm on vacation, and b) I don't really post regularly when I'm home, sitting on my ass, doing nothing? Fair point, sirs and madams. The fact is, it's worth posting just to share with you, my few dear readers, the details of a spectacular meal I ate last night.

My love for California Grill goes back to my humble days as an employee of Preakness Gourmet Deli. My old boss, John McKnight (RIP, sir, you went way too soon), heard I was headed to Walt Disney World and suggested a few choice restaurants--one of which was a very nice California-style bistro/grill located atop the Contemporary Resort. I talked my mom into going, and she graciously allowed the meal to go forward even though she balked a bit at the prices. But I learned that day that you pay for what you get--and what I got blew my young mind.

Fast forward to eight years later. I've been to California Grill a few times since, but now I am of age, and therefore capable of taking advantage of the glorious wine list. So last night, Mom and I enjoyed another highly anticipated meal.

Before I get to the meal, allow me to stress that we are on the 15th floor of the Contemporary. Which means, when you look out the window next to my table, you see this to your left:



...and this to your right:



Glorious, no? And all this before the menus even came to the table.

It's not fair to anyone involved for me to go into graphic detail about the foodgasm I experienced during the meal. But suffice to say it was so incredibly delicious that I requested a copy of the menu, so that I could share it most accurately.

Here's the rundown:

• Sushi: Spicy Kazan Roll...Crab, Shrimp, Bay Scallops, Tuna, and Fireball Sauce
• First Course: Heirloom Tomatoes with Buffalo Mozzarella, Red Onion, Micro Basil, and Minus 8 Reduction
• Main Course: Seared Ostrich Filet with Buttery Potato Puree, Wild Mushrooms, Globe Carrots, Fig, and Honeyed Port Reduction
  • paired with a 2006 Frog's Leap Napa Valley Zinfandel

Jealous?

And to top it all off, I considered having for dessert the warm Valrhona chocolate cake, with molten center, house-made salted caramel ice cream, and caramelized golden pineapple. But I resisted, just barely. I opted instead for a glass of the Glenmorangie 10, a delicious Northern Highlands scotch with a rich palate, a very smooth finish, and one of the sweetest, most glorious noses I've ever experienced in a scotch.

Bottom line, it was a dinner made in epicurean heaven. Sure, it cost a bit more than I'd be comfortable paying on a regular basis, but hey, isn't that what vacation's for?

And the kicker is this: we still have one more sexy dinner left to go! Monday night is Le Cellier--and if last night's dinner was any indication, I'll have a lot to say about that meal as well!