Driven to the Edge

(If you're expecting a New Year's Resolution-related post, you are barking up the wrong tree.)

I understand that the holiday rush, despite its best intentions, can tend to bring out the worst in people. Between the stress, pressure, and impatience, it's sometimes hard to find that holiday cheer that we all so desperately crave at the turn of the year.

But despite that understanding, there is one holiday phenomenon that I simply cannot explain: the proliferation of insanely shitty drivers.

My major beefs boil down to three specific driving types, all of whom I have encountered already today:

• 1) The Drifters -- The drivers in small neighborhoods and side roads who decide that, because there's no double yellow line and no other drivers on that particular road, they can simply drive right down the middle. Which is all fine and dandy, until another driver comes up from the opposite direction. Inevitably, no matter how long or straight the road, the Drifter will not see you coming until the last second, at which point they will veer sharply to their right. Inevitably, a look of contorted rage--how dare you take your fair share of the road!--will be visible on their faces as you pass by.
  
  
• 2) The Highway Robbers -- Most commonly found on multi-lane roads, but you will occasionally find them in neighborhoods too. These are the folks who are pulling onto a highway, either from an on-ramp or a store parking lot, and simply can't resist coming over, even if the timing is inopportune. As if that wasn't bad enough, they will often proceed to drive at a rate far below the speed limit--after all, it is the slow lane, isn't it?--and force you to accelerate past them angrily. And the worst part? They are often so oblivious to their own inability to find the gas pedal that, should you look over to shoot them an angry look as you careen past, they are often found blissfully staring straight ahead, often singing along with some tune on their radio.
  
  
• 3) The Routiners -- We are all guilty of this from time to time. There are certain parts of our drives, such as the first turn or two out of our driveways, that feel like routines. We know the traffic, we know the situations, we can do them with our eyes shut. The problem is, the Routiners, I suspect, actually do perform these parts of the drive with their eyes shut, because whenever a glitch in the pattern appears--say, for instance, someone looking to make a left into the street that you yourself are looking to make a left onto--they do not sway from their expectations, acting as if you weren't there and nearly causing a catastrophic and insanely silly accident.

Dishonorable mention goes to those drivers who, out of some twisted sense of altruism, forgo their right of way, especially on main thoroughfares, to let someone from a side road turn onto their street. Your courtesy was doubtlessly appreciated by the person turning, but not so much by the few cars behind you that had to slam on their brakes to avoid a multi-car pile up.

Want to be really altruistic? If you're one of these drivers, park your car in your driveway and leave it there.