Not So Fast, Delaware...

I may have just given Maryland the what-for, but don't you dare think that your neighbor to the southwest will be shouldering all the blame for today's horrendous drive home. I saw some things on your roads today that would never have flied in the Garden State.

Firstly, I don't quite understand how so many people could be wanting to get back into Maryland, god-awful hole that it is, that the entire southbound length of I-95 in Delaware could be a parking lot. And this is not hyperbole or even slight exaggeration. I sat in a tiny bit of traffic leading up to the northbound tolls, but it was a fairly clear (kinda sorta) run from there.

However, a look to my left at any given time revealed the whole highway at a standstill. It was stopped from the tollbooth all the way up to the 95/495-295/NJ Turnpike split before the Delaware Memorial Bridge. For such a tiny state, there sure are a lot of people stuck there -- mostly, unsurprisingly, just trying to pass through.

But this traffic revealed one of the most ridiculous traffic anomalies I've seen in some time. Because for those of you who've never had the (dis)pleasure of driving down I-95 through Delaware, you should know that it's approximately 10 miles in length. And since Delaware's a small state with not a lot going for it, they need to make as much revenue as possible from people trying to race through those 10 miles as fast as possible (as if anyone could blame them). As such, the road is fucking crawling with cops, most of which are usually busy citing impatient drivers.

But today, there was only one cop on I-95. He was a Delaware State Trooper, located just past the only rest stop in the state, his car pointed towards the traffic as if prepared to nab anyone driving a mere single mph over the limit.

Time for a pop quiz.

You are a Delaware State Trooper, positioned to nab speeders in the manner described above. To which side of the highway do you point your car?

(a) towards the side of the road where traffic is progressing at a smooth rate

or

(b) towards the side of the road where traffic is at a goddamn standstill?

If you guessed (a), you're probably thinking way too logically to be a viable candidate and should consider a different career. If, however, you guessed (b), you should probably apply to join your fellow like-minded go-getters of the Delaware Highway Patrol. Way to work hard, boys.

I mean, I-295 through Burlington County is hardly an exhilirating or visually appealing drive, but at least I didn't hit any traffic on any of the New Jersey roads I drove today. What seems to be the problem with the Delmarva?