Delicious, Delicious Paper...

I find it hard to believe that in neither of my blogs have I ever posted once about WebMD. While I generally believe that the Internet is a fantastic resource that can effectively bring people together and spread information, WebMD often proves to me how easy it is for this to go horribly, horribly wrong.

The usual tales of WebMD woe involve looking up simple symptoms, only to find that you could potentially have a devastating disease. ("Headache? Probably a brain tumor!") But today, while searching for some possible solutions to my once-again-onset vertigo, I saw some head-related symptoms that made me just a little sad.

Some symptoms are completely plausible: "headache," "hair loss," etc.

Others, to my knowledge, are grouped there strictly because they are psychological in nature, despite not being strictly head-related: "mood swings" and "lack of pleasure" (tee-hee) are just a few of the symptoms there.

Then there are the ones that are stupid because they're obvious, such as "broken bones (multiple fractures)." Call me crazy, but if you know that there are multiple broken bones in your head, why would your first instinct be, "I think I'm gonna go on WebMD...maybe it'll save me a trip to the doctor!" (Perhaps the broken bones are affecting your judgment, in which case I have to wonder why a) no one is accompanying you, or b) if one is, why the hell are they letting you fuck around on the computer instead of, oh, getting you to an emergency room?)

And then, we enter the realm of the absurd. For instance...

"Coma" -- Pray tell, how is a person going to diagnose themselves as having a coma if they're in one? And if it's someone else checking for the victim, I must once more question the wisdom of cross-checking coma symptoms on a Web site instead of with, you know, a certified medical professional. Silly me.

"Fear of gaining weight" -- Isn't that a symptom of, oh, I don't know, life? Does anyone really embrace the chub?

"Craving to eat ice, dirt, or paper" -- This is what-the-fuck on so many levels. First of all, has anyone ever actually craved eating dirt or paper? (Ice, I've been told, is a common enough snack for some.) And furthermore, who decided to put those three particular selections together? I don't believe there to be a disease that results in me desperately wanting to snack on only ice, dirt, or paper. Nor am I aware of what it takes to make the jump from ice to paper.

I could go on, but it's all just making me dizzy again just thinking about it. I'd better go lay down for a bit before dinner...maybe take a look at the bookshelf and see what I might want.